1. Some people seem to believe that Johannesburg is a beautiful place.
Delta Park via.
2. They make ridiculous claims about it being the largest man-made forest in the world.
The Four Seasons via
3. But this makes no sense.
Jacarandas via
4. Because in reality the place is a practically a desert.
The Vaal River via
5. Nothing exciting ever happens there.
Electric Storm via Alexius van der Westhuizen
6. There is literally nowhere to watch sport.
The FNB Stadium via
7. And don’t bother trying to find anywhere to play sport.
Johannesburg Country Club via
8. You’ll probably starve to death because there’s nowhere nice to eat.
Roots at Forum Homini via
9. And the hotels are really run-down.
The Saxon via
10. The architecture is totes unoriginal.
Mill Junction via
11. I mean.
Maropeng via
12. There is absolutely nowhere to shop.
Neighbourgoods Market via
13. And the bars are super sh*t.
Flame at the Four Seasons via
14. The people of Johannesburg have absolutely no fashion sense.
The Boys of I See a Different You via
15. Art and culture? LOL.
Street Art via
16. The weekends are soooooooo boring.
Hot Air Ballooning via
16. And there is no public transport.
Gautrain via
17. Things are so hectic all the time.
Emmarentia Dam via
18. You call that sculpture, Johannesburg?
Nirox Sculpture Fair via
19. You make my eyes hurt.
Walter Sisulu Botanical Gardens via
20. Seriously though. Why would anyone want to visit Johannesburg?
Johannesburg Skyline via MMINC
brandslut xoxo
Disclaimer: post concept borrowed from this post on BuzzFeed. If I wasn’t able to credit your image, please do let me know so I can do.
The Spruce Girls
LOVE THIS!!! Awesome post 🙂
maggi
The Spruce GirlsI agree..live in cape town but love visiting Johannesburg! All my fave places listed there except PARKHURST!!!
Doug
Lol and there I had my hackles up for no reason. 🙂 I live in CT but still love Jozi.
Doug
Lol and there I had my hackles up for no reason. 🙂 I live in CT but still love Jozi.
Lari
DougHurrah! You are (quite possibly) only the second Capetonian I’ve met who doesn’t spend all their time badmouthing my city. Kudos. And thank you 😉
Roger Thompson
it all goes to show how the camera can lie !!
Chris
Roger ThompsonThats the truth and nothing but the truth
samantha
Wow! Love this! My comment was going to go the other way when I first read the title… Very clever 😉 thanks for that
Jean Wiid
@brandslut, this is amazing, hats off to you. Heads up on the Neighbourhood goods pic, that is the Cpt one. Have a contact if you want a good pic of the jhb one. 😉
Dan
Jean WiidHi Jean, the picture is correct. In the foreground you can see the Parktonian Hotel. It’s good to see that Braamfontien can be confused with the Old Biscuit Mill. Both markets are fantastic! Enjoy your day!
femmegypsy
Ja, it’s awful here. The.picture of the Vaal river is from our place there 😀 That first little bridge and “island” is off the plot.
Dineo
I love it. Going there for the 1st May long weekend. Will definately go see many of the palces feautured here
Zaahirah
LOVE THIS 🙂
leighanne
great post! I think however Jean is confused, that’s is definitely the JHB neighborgoods market, without a doubt!
Koketso
I Looove this. Beautiful concept.
James
Be careful there. The people from CT are still reeling about being judged more dangerous than Joburg…
Great post though (even if we aren’t REALLY the biggest man made forest). Still a great place to be.
Alex
Jameshttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Urban_forest
NameMichaelG
Great pics!
The bit about the world’s largest made-made “forest” is entirely made up, though! lol It’s not even close!
Jo
NameMichaelG“The largest man-made urban forest in the world is located in Johannesburg, the capital of the Gauteng province in South Africa.[1][[2][3][4]”
1. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Urban_forest
2 . http://www.gauteng.net/guide/green_tourism/
3. http://www.joburg.org.za/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=1553&Itemid=201
4.http://edition.cnn.com/2010/WORLD/africa/11/18/johannesburg.urban.forest/index.html
NameRobyn
NameMichaelGManmade urban forest is true. http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Urban_forest
Berns
NameMichaelGYes it is. – http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Urban_forest
Alex
NameMichaelGhttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Urban_forest
Emmanuel
Too bad i live in Johannesburg .. This sucks .. 🙂
Jo Ann Saner
Wish you had a pic of the sky of Joburg last night (19th March 2015) – it was spectacular – and the Desiterata says””with all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams its stil a beautiful place (world)”
Ash
After the overwhelming success of the “Reasons why you should never visit Durban” post, you decided to steal the concept and try get some fame..? Hmmm… Original much. Nah.
brandslut
AshWhich was ‘borrowed’ from this post, the original: http://www.buzzfeed.com/niaalavezos/reasons-you-should-never-go-to-greece#.avEMoRooB
I was challenged to do it by Natalie Roos, who did the same thing for Cape Town.
Anneli Marinovich
Living in London now, but Jozi will always have a soft spot in my heart. Love this post 🙂
Stephen
To be fair, most of this list is technically not in Johannesburg. If the title were “20 reasons you should never visit Gauteng” …
Carlos de Almeida
Beautiful pictures just makes me miss my home town even more. Living in europe people over here have no idea of just hoe lucky you guys are.
Donavan
Only about 3 of those pictures are real Johannesburg. The rest are north and surround.
If you value your life. Dont go near Johannesburg
Kelebogile Matshwane
OMG!!! that is so gorgeous…beautiful concept.
Luz
nice emotionally charged ad.
Name Krishla
frican and live in Australia . I love this comments
You have money it’s great country . Look at all the wealth the country has its . Sad
candice
Been to most of these places 🙂
Fono
Just when I was about to make noise based on the title…clever article!
Sheila Brice
Landed in Joburg once and all I remember is the incredibe ‘gold mountain, it was dawn and I have never seen anything so fantastic
Brett
@brandslut just wondering if you have been to Jozi? There is no Vaal River in Jozi!!
cnickie
One of the most memorable times I will always cherish is my week in Johannesburg. It was lovely
cnickie
My week in Johannesburg will remain one of the most cherished memories in my life, ( personal reasons)
It was lovely
Moe Lyons
I was always so so sad I never made it to Jo’berg when I was in SA and now I am even sadder.
Michelle
WOW! What a wonderful post!!
Cliffy
1 train does not make a public transport system, this city is a shell of its former self, the pictures in this post are selective and often should the elitest society that exists in South Africa .. Having grown up in South Africa in the 70’s and 80’s remembering the places we frequented, Rocky Street, Melville, Hillbrow- these are all no go areas many of them now slums run by gangs … Yes there are “areas” of the greater Johannesburg region where tourist are safe in a gated community or secure shopping area, but the CBD … Visiting there is putting your life at risk !
Aalia
Gorgeous Images of a beautiful city 🙂
Cape Clown
Lol.. this post will upset Capetonians, and let’s be honest, the people who badmouth Joburg most are Capetonians.
I remember my rental agent in Cape Town’s response to me when I told her I was moving there: ‘Ew! Joburg’s horrible!’.
You have to understand the Cape Town mentality. There’s a huge amount of destination myth making here, and the locals have bought into the marketing of their city wholesale. This in turn has resulted in a massive amount of cognitive dissonance, caused mainly by.. the weather (wet and freezing in winter, windswept and scorching in summer – probably one out of every three days of the year allows you to enjoy the great outdoors).
Johannesburg’s weather is absolutely sublime, and as someone who travels between the two cities regularly, I can assure is witness to far more outdoors socializing and relaxation than the Cape. Balmy, windless nights on outdoor cafe terraces are a feature of life in Joburg, Cape Town not so much.
And interesting fact, Joburg’s urban forest makes for much cleaner air. The lung cancer rate in Cape Town is something like three times that of Joburg. The City Bowl lives under a layer of smog and chemical residue from the petrochemical plant on Koeberg Road whenever the SE isn’t blowing.
Doug
Lived there for 25 years left 15 years ago but my heart is still there
Matthew
SERIOUSLY! I don’t think this at all! I would say the opposite! I have lived in Joburg for 10 years and I think that this place is spectacular!
Dale
love it, love it, love it
Keith
Vaal Dam is in the Free State, FNB stadium, i am over 6 foot tall and too scared to go there. Public Transport? The Gautrain only goes from Sandton to ORT to Pretoria.
There are some awesome people, but gosh its not a pleasant place. Greed central. In general its as dangerous as the cape flats..why does everyone leave to CT , London , OZ, NZ or Canada? Cos its unpleasant and getting worse
Koos
I was transferred to JHB, worked a very very high paod job in Sandon, but after 2.5 months I could not take that shit-hole anymore, resigned and moved back to cape town. YUCK!!!!
Mark
I grew up in JHB lived in London and now Sydney. Both London and Sydney are awesome cities. Jo’burg, however….c’mon guys who you trying to kid, it’s dangerous and unsafe. Ever heard of anyone choosing to leave Sydney, London etc and move to Jo’burg to better their lives?
brandslut
MarkDifferent strokes, Mark. I’ve lived in Johannesburg, Cape Town, London, Cincinnati, San Antonio and Brisbane. I choose to live in Johannesburg; it’s an incredible city with so much more to offer than the negative press it receives.
John Annandale
I’ve lived in Cape Town … spend time as often as I can with family in stunningly beautiful New Zealand … but I love the leafy, green northern suburbs of Johannesburg. For as long as I remain in SA … this will be HOME!
drey
nicely done, howeva, after living here for the past 27 years, I can seriously confirm that Jozi has lost its mojo – it’s dull flat and booooooring .. the whitewashed art and culture scene is, the tame inner city projects .. eish, .. well it is just that … dull and listless
Tara Turkington
Fun post 🙂 I think the picture of the back of Maropeng is mine, but your link appears broken 🙂
brandslut
Tara TurkingtonThanks so much for letting me know, Tara. I’ve updated the link with your website. Beautiful pic, thanks for allowing me to use it 🙂
Barry
Lived in CT for 34 years, moved to JHB last year, been here 8 months now will never go back. Love JHB. Felt much more unsafe in CT , was attacked 3 times in last 6 months I stayed there, by tik infused gangsters. Can’t even go hiking now for fear of being robbed as I was.
Afzal
This is why most of you gautengelengers come to DURBAN every chance you get. If JHB * Gauteng* is so beautiful then stay there. Please stay there. Drive your Porsche’s and Ferrari’s in traffic looking snazzy. FOOLS. I lived there for 5 long stressful years. Went to Zoo lake and could n’t even find a spot of green grass to picnic on. Really, come on guys. Your heart’s might be in JHB because you live there but your imaginations are in DBN and CPT. Happy driving guys. Well stop and go every 5 feet driving. Let’s do a real * 20 Reasons why you should never visit JHB* I dare you.
Nikki
Hahahahaha LOVE this post 🙂
As a person who used to live in Durban, Joburg is really lovely. I love the wide open spaces.